So, as waiters, we have all had that table that giggles while ordering the oysters with much implied innuendo. I have found this to be pretty basic. Yeah right, certain foods make you more amorous. Just blame the wine or the fact that you got all dressed up and taken out for a nice meal by someone that you already found attractive. Or better yet, no shame. You wanted to end the evening with some light exercise and feelings of euphoria coursing through your body, duh. Then I started thinking about the Food and Drug Administration and how foods really can affect your health and well-being. Is there something to this? I mean we’re not talking about ecstasy, booze and ground up rhino horns, we are contemplating the effects of common foods on your libido. I have always thought these ideas were hogwash. But, I will tell you a secret... I am wrong... a lot of the time, some might even argue MOST of the time—they are all dead now, but I am digressing.

According to sex central, also known as Cosmopolitan magazine, the top libidinous foods are as follows: chili peppers, asparagus and avocados; bananas, chocolate, oysters, pomegranates, red wine super duh, salmon and walnuts; and vanilla and watermelon I guess that Beyonce song is right on the money. The foods that are grouped together within the semicolons contain the same slutty chemicals.

What is the point of all of this? That there is scientific proof that certain foods get your blood pumping a little faster or stimulate the production of certain hormones. What do you do with this information? Probably nothing, OR... You make a really disgusting smoothie featuring all of the above ingredients and go to town on each other. In nine months you can name your baby after me—even the boys.